Updated: Sep 14
...you are my Tornado, and I love you!
After having Evie, I was so content! I loved being her mum and just wondered if I even wanted anymore, she was more than enough for me! Even waking up in the night with her I saw it as my special time with her.
‘I caught’ with Isla when Evie was 8 months old, I think, Isla was indeed a surprise, but the best surprise; I don’t think we realised how much we needed Isla to complete us as a family, but she really has!
I was made of honour at my cousin's wedding, emotional as anything, which is the polar opposite of me, I cried my way through a speech about my cousin and her husband, that literally no one could understand, and had 20 tequilas over the course of the night. I was feeling a bit rough the days leading up to the wedding, but it was winter, and just thought it was a bad cold. But I was overly sensitive and banter I could normally take, I did not take very well! I just had no idea at that point that I was pregnant!
After the wedding, I took Evie with me to the doctors and they said I had a urine infection, which I used to get quite frequently. They asked the usual question: ‘when is your next period due?’ So, I said oh this weekend, (my periods were a 5-week cycle), so they explained they would need to check if I was pregnant. I was cocky and sure and said ‘yeah course whatever!’ They came back and said ‘we think you're pregnant,’ and my colour must have drained because they asked if I was ok! Suddenly feeling like a stupid teenager, although being 31, I said ‘oh yeah nice, we wanted our children close together!’ In my head, I thought not this frigging close haha!
I went home and did more tests! Jon seemed happy but I was a mess! I was like ‘this is going to be so hard!’ And Jon was very reassuring. I actually felt embarrassed to tell people we were having another baby because it was so soon!
That was the start of January 2017, and I was returning to work in February after my maternity leave. I was returning to work pregnant. I just kind of forgot about it, to be honest. With Evie, I was showing a small bump from 9 weeks, with Isla, even though I had a small bump, at 5 months pregnant, I still managed to hide it from a lot of people. I was so nervous and scared and busy with Evie and work, that I just let my pregnancy pass by, I feel like I didn’t appreciate it enough, enjoy it almost. Pregnancy with Isla was definitely more painful, but I started to enjoy it!
We were moving, so this time we wanted to know the baby’s sex so I knew what to keep and what not to keep, although I had thrown loads away after Evie, I’m quite ruthless you see. Jon and I had a feeling Isla was a girl, and actually, I wanted another girl. And of course, she was!
Due to Evie’s umbilical cord being loosely knotted, I was paranoid and decided to get an extra scan to ensure the blood flow was fine and the oxygen flow - and it was!
We were meant to get our house keys in July but it got pushed back to October and then brought forward to September. I was due on 9th September and Jon had just had an operation on his knee. 13th September came, and my mum was over from Cyprus again and my Nan was down from Manchester. I had just picked up the keys for our new house, and a flood of water just came out! My waters had broken. It was about 6pm. I went toilet and thought I needed to poo, well by saying that mum was freaking out, my Nan was saying how would we get the mattress to the other house ready for the baby coming, I was like ‘guys, calm down, chill out!’ I was about to have a baby and was still the calming voice LOL!
I had a bath and then got all emotional and started to cry because I didn’t want to leave Evie and was worried something bad might happen! Hormones, right?!?
My waters gushed out for hours! I had so much!
I went to the hospital, I had felt no contractions but felt a banging sensation in my hip, Isla’s head hadn’t engaged yet, whereas Evie’s had been engaged weeks before she came!
I went back home and got into bed, by midnight, light contractions had started.
My mum and Nan were in the front room and so I went to be with them. My cousin had given me a CD with Evie that soothed you during labour, and I’d put it on my iTunes - so we started listening to that and all 3 of us drifted off - only to be woken by a loud hip hop track of Jon’s that had somehow gotten into that playlist - we all shot up and jumped lol.
By 7am I told mum to wake Jon up, he sat in bed with Evie for a bit and casually walked down about 7:45ish. I said I wanted a bath and then I want to go to the hospital. Like Evie, my contractions had started every 5 minutes, but they were lasting way over a minute! Very quickly, they had dropped down to every 2.5 minutes. Mum said nope, no bath get to the hospital now. The contractions seemed bearable. Was it the soothing CD or just luck? Who knows!
We got to the hospital about 8:30ish and all of a sudden, the pain just got worse. I couldn’t even get out of the car, they had to get me a wheelchair, and that’s when the back-to-back contractions came in quick succession with minimal break.
I decided to try a water birth this time, so, we got in the birthing suite and I was 3-4cm dilated. The midwife gave me a cheeky sweep and told me to walk around the hospital, I was like nope I can’t I need to sit here! She then saw to someone who was further along than me, and I was to have a midwife just starting her shift.
I slid off the couch, and the new midwife, or how I like to remember her as, an angel, walked in. She could see how quickly I was progressing. She said right let’s run your bath! I crawled on the floor stopping every 5 seconds from a contraction pain or to be sick! I’d have 2 okay-ish contractions and then this god-awful back pain. Of course, Isla was back-to-back! As I crawled, Jon was pulling my trousers off, I looked pathetic I thought! I actually said to the midwife-angel, ‘am I the most pathetic person you’ve seen?’ She said no but I wasn’t so sure! I know people who deal with labour well and all I could think about was them sprinting to the bath mid-contraction like in a movie of happiness and flowers! This was not me! I somehow got into the bath! The pain was awful but the midwife-angel had hazel eyes and I’d just focus on them. I had the beautiful eyes to look at and she had a distorted pained face to look at! I’m not those lucky parents that do well in pictures after labour! I looked like a hot mess!
At one point, just after a painful contraction, Jon said, ‘Don’t worry Dan, only a few more hours I think I just looked at him and told him to ‘fuck off!’ Prick! Lol!
I then began asking for the needle, I needed that epidural! The midwife-angel played dumb - ‘what needle is that!’ Me: ‘you know, the needle I need it!’
She knew I was too far gone! After the next contraction, she asked me if I’d felt like I needed to push, and I did! My body was telling me I did! And I just pushed; in my head, I heard a popping sound, Jon doesn’t remember hearing it…but Isla’s head was out! I had suddenly lost energy and couldn’t push anymore. I had a minute to push her out because of Isla being underwater but I just couldn’t. The midwife stood me up, pulled my leg up like a chicken, and said to push again; I pushed, and out she came! I held Isla, asked if she was ok, which she was, and then I passed her over I literally couldn’t hold her! The pain was too intense! I had had no drugs and I was in shock! I couldn’t stop shivering and my back was in bits! Because of this, I didn’t ask Jon to get a picture of Isla who had just come out! I didn’t hold Isla for 3 hours because I was in so much pain! They gave me a pessary up my bum and the pain started to go. This part of it has probably been one of my biggest regrets, it might sound silly, but if I’d had the gas and air, or gone for an epidural, I would have had my picture of Isla firstborn, and held her longer, and had that first moment I’d had with Evie! I was, and am still so gutted about it.
Isla was born at 10:27am and weighed 8lbs 7, but the nurses got the weight wrong and said she was more…another story!
Isla was born with so much hair, thick black straight hair, totally the opposite to how Evie had looked! They were and are both perfect in their own special way!
When we got home, Evie licked Isla and kissed her, it was so sweet but I was like urgh, she hasn’t been bathed yet lol. We spent one night at our home and moved the next day!
Both my daughters were born on Thursday 14th and an hour and minute time difference!
I knew I loved Isla from the moment I held her, but I did feel different, the pain had shocked me so much, that I didn’t get the same feeling I did when I’d had Evie. The adrenaline and burst of energy and love all mixed into each other. I just lay there and watch Jon dote on her and giving her her first feed.
I enjoyed breastfeeding with Isla more than I had with Evie, I felt less of a pervert and more natural. It’s strange how we change.
With Isla, for ages, I felt like I didn’t know her the same way I knew Evie, I was as obsessed with her as I was with Evie, but she felt like a stranger to me! BUT she always smiled, loved to laugh, was so cheeky and vocal from as soon as she could make a sound! Jon worked long hours still, and I felt very lonely again, but this time there were three of us, and the first year was amazing. Seeing Evie with Isla was just magical, and the way Isla looked at Evie just melted my heart.
Isla, I love you, you are my tornado, you have spun my world around! I didn’t realise I had enough room in my heart for more, but you made me realise just how much more I had to give! You and Evie are my absolute world!